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The Subtle Destruction: Understanding Coercive Control

Writer's picture: Victoria Olaniyan Victoria Olaniyan

In the realm of family law, coercive control stands as one of the most insidious forms of abuse. Unlike physical abuse, it can be subtle and pervasive, slowly eroding a victim's sense of self and autonomy over time. This post aims to shed light on the nature of coercive control, its warning signs, and how victims can seek help.


What is Coercive Control?


Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour where one person seeks to dominate and manipulate another through various forms of emotional, psychological, and sometimes physical tactics. It is a long-term strategy designed to strip away a person's freedom and sense of self-worth. Unlike isolated incidents, coercive control is a continuous and escalating cycle of abuse, manifesting in numerous ways, such as financial control and emotional manipulation, making it extremely difficult to recognize, even by the victim.


Warning Signs of Coercive Control


One primary tactic of coercive control is ‘love bombing’, where the abuser showers the victim with excessive attention and affection to establish a sense of dependence. Over time, this behavior shifts to manipulation, isolation, and control.


Other signs include:

  1. Monitoring and Restricting Freedom: Abusers may constantly check their partner's phone messages, emails, and social media accounts, insisting on knowing their whereabouts and companions at all times. This behavior can escalate, leaving the victim feeling they have no privacy and must account for every moment of their day.

  2. Manipulative Affection: The abuser rewards "good" behavior with affection, gifts, and praise while punishing "bad" behavior with silence, coldness, threats, or even physical abuse. This creates a dynamic where the victim is always striving to please the abuser to avoid punishment.

  3. Gaslighting:This involves making the victim doubt their perceptions and sanity. The abuser might deny certain events occurred, insist that the victim is overreacting, or blame the victim's "memory problems" for the discrepancies between their accounts of reality.

  4. Isolation from Support Systems: Abusers often cut off the victim's ties with friends, family, or support networks by creating rifts in these relationships or making it difficult for the victim to maintain them. They might say things like, "Your friends don't really care about you," or "Your family is always trying to meddle in our relationship,” or “"Why does your mother always have to call in the evening?"


Examples of Coercive Control in Various Relationships



Newly Married Couple: Jackie and Kofi seemed like the perfect couple, but soon after their wedding, Kofi’s behaviour changed dramatically. Initially charming and attentive, Kofi began to monitor Jackie’s phone and social media, criticize her clothing choices, and dictate her social interactions. This led to Jackie feeling isolated, anxious, and unable to make decisions without Kofi’s approval, significantly eroding her self-esteem and independence.


Family with Children: Lisa and Mark have five children and have been together for several years. Mark uses his position as the primary breadwinner to control Lisa, dictating how money is spent and scrutinising her purchases. He undermines her parenting in front of the children, creating a toxic environment that affects their emotional well-being. Lisa feels trapped, fearing for her children’s future if she leaves, but also recognising the damaging effects of staying.


Father and Daughter: Emily’s father, Richard, has always been controlling, but his behavior intensified as she grew older. He dictates her career choices, friendships, and romantic relationships, using guilt and emotional blackmail to maintain control. Richard's monitoring of Emily’s movements and communications stifles her personal growth and self-expression, leaving her feeling suffocated and powerless.


Legal protection


Coercive control is now recognised as a serious form of domestic abuse in the UK, with specific legal provisions designed to protect victims and prosecute offenders.


The Role of Non-Molestation Orders

Non-molestation orders are a type of injunction used in the UK to protect victims of domestic abuse, including coercive control. They aim to prevent the abuser from using or threatening violence, intimidating, harassing, or pestering the victim. These orders can be crucial for victims seeking immediate protection and long-term safety.



The court can issue an order without the abuser being present if it believes immediate protection is necessary, known as an "ex parte" or "without notice" order. A full hearing is then scheduled where both parties can present their case.


Effectiveness in Ensuring Victim Safety


Immediate Protection: Non-molestation orders provide immediate relief and protection for victims by legally restraining the abuser's actions. This immediate intervention can prevent further harm and provide a sense of security for the victim.


Legal Consequences for Breach: One of the most significant aspects of non-molestation orders is the legal consequences of breaching them. Violating a non-molestation order is a criminal offense, punishable by up to five years in prison. This legal deterrent can effectively discourage abusers from continuing their harmful behaviour.


Psychological Impact: The existence of a non-molestation order can empower victims, providing them with a sense of control and validation. Knowing that the law recognises their situation and is actively protecting them can significantly aid in the healing process.


Support from the Police: With a non-molestation order in place, the Police are more likely to respond swiftly to any reports of breaches, ensuring that victims receive prompt assistance and protection.


The Introduction of Coercive Control as a Crime

The concept was formally introduced into UK law under the Serious Crime Act 2015, making controlling or coercive behaviour in an intimate or family relationship a criminal offence, as outlined in Section 76.


Key Elements of the Offence: To secure a conviction, the prosecution must prove repeated or continuous behaviour , a personal connection between the victim and perpetrator, serious effects on the victim, and the perpetrator's knowledge of the harm caused.


Penalties for Coercive Control: Convictions can lead to up to five years of imprisonment, unlimited fines, and restraining orders to protect the victim from further abuse.


Healing and Moving Forward

Leaving an abusive relationship is the first step in a long journey toward healing. Victims often face emotional, psychological, and financial challenges. Here are some tips for moving forward:


- Seek Professional Help: Therapists and counselors experienced in dealing with coercive control and domestic abuse can provide the support needed to process trauma and rebuild self-esteem.


- Build a Support Network:Reconnect with trusted friends and family, and engage in social activities and community groups to rebuild confidence and a sense of belonging.


- Legal and Financial Advice: Consult family solicitors to understand your rights and secure your financial future, addressing issues like joint debts, property ownership, and child custody arrangements.


Support and Resources


At Christian Lavergne Solicitors we are committed to supporting victims of coercive control. Our experienced solicitors understand the complexities of these cases and are here to provide the guidance and support you need. Together, we can work towards a future free from abuse.


Conclusion


Coercive control is a destructive force that can affect anyone, regardless of their relationship status or background. Recognising the signs and understanding the legal protections available are crucial steps in breaking free from this cycle of abuse. If you or someone you know is experiencing coercive control, reach out to a trusted professional. Remember, you are not alone, and help is available.

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